My path to becoming a life & leadership coach has been paved by my own life transformation.

This is my story.

In 2015, at the age of 53, I had it all. Impressive resume, a position as the vice-president for Information Technology at one of the largest universities in the country (a senior level IT leader at a top research university), a 27 year marriage, two amazing children, and a life that the world around me growing up would define as “success”.

I remember the moment when that all began to change.

In 2014, I was participating in an advanced leadership retreat at Washington University in St. Louis.  The cohort was broken into groups of five and assigned our first exercise called “First Impressions”.  We were each given thirty-seven seconds to introduce ourselves to the group. Group members would then provide feedback on how you introduced yourself. With one caveat. One piece of feedback from each member must be a “critical” observation. As the members of my group began to provide feedback, the exercise finally reached the last person in my group, a tall, skinny, Ichaobod Crane looking individual.

“You look incredibly unhappy and frustrated.”

The comment hit me like the proverbial “ton of bricks”. How did he know? How could he tell? (Shit) I didn’t even know that myself. Interesting how the universe will deliver messages to us.

The next few months provided the opportunity to look more deeply into what was “off”. With the support of a coach and a therapist, I discovered my sadness and frustration were far more deep-seated, and really (at its core) had nothing to do with my career.

In hindsight, my body had been trying to warn me for several years. I was starting to approach 300lbs. I had a 2cm tumor removed behind my left eye in 2008 (which has left me with double vision). I needed my right achilles heel rebuilt in 2014 after several years of debilitating pain. The message from my body:

“I don’t like the direction we’re heading.”

In early 2016, I left my marriage. Left my hometown where I had lived my entire life, and left a 33 year career at major research university, to State College, Pennsylvania to become the Vice President for Information Technology at Penn State University.

The next three years would be professionally exhilarating as I undertook the responsibility for a university-wide organizational transformation.

However, the universe was only just starting with me.

During the next few years, I lost my mother, lost my relationship with my children, lost the connection to my hometown, friends and family, and carried the guilt and shame of leaving a marriage.  In 2019, I was placed on Administrative Leave without reason (hence the life of an employed-at-will executive), betrayed by a close friend and colleague. Subsequently, made the decision to resign.

That was the proverbial “last-straw” as far as my emotional and mental health was concerned. I was broken.

From the earliest age, boys were shamed to avoid expressions of weakness, sadness, and fear. A man must be rationale, competitive, aggressive, “never-let-them-see-you-sweat”.  Because of this most men are secretly terrified of being hurt or humiliated.

Until it becomes too big

First step was to “get out”. Stay with friends. Move my belongings into storage. Then drive with nothing more than what I could fit in a Subaru Forester. I lived in eight different locations, in eight different states, in the span of six years. I finally, put down roots, alone, in the mountains of Colorado.

During that time, I obtained a second coaching certification. My journey through that coaching program yielded additional insight into work that still needed to be done.

Since then I have committed myself to therapy to heal from PTSD. Have hired my own personal coach and have personally worked through the grief from the things I have lost, healed and have redefined success based on who I am at my core.

I have a piece of paper taped to my bathroom mirror with the saying.

“One day you will tell your story of how you’ve overcome what you’re going through now, and it will become someone else’s survival guide.”

So here I am offering my survival guide as a beacon of hope in your own personal journey. If my story connects with you and you’re looking for support, apply to work with me.